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it's 3:30am

it's 3:30am

this is an hour i used to know well… by the time it would be 3am or so… i figured i had about another 1 1/2 hours left in me to work.  i haven’t been up at this hour for quite some time. tonight, i went to bed about 10pm. couldn’t keep my eyes open.  i was awakend by quincy climbing in bed with me, and me realizing i have a horrible tummy ache. i should just let myself throw up and be done with it… but instead i am trying to think of something that might calm it.  so i came to surf a little on the internet… and ended up on jenni bowlin’s site. (this is the papercrafting kit that has my stuff in it! ) i think you can pretty much chalk it up to my pregnant emotions that i can hardly control… but it totally made me cry! i think for 2 reasons really…. 1. i am so happy for jenni! she is following her heart… taking a risk and doing something that she believes in.  she is freakishly talented… and such a gorgeous person.   2. she included some of my products in her kit for feb., and i think that seeing her (and faye)  use my stuff in such a stunning way… kindof was both a thrill and a little jolt of acceptance.  it’s hard to explain the emotions i feel when i see my products in use on pages… it shouldn’t have such an effect on me… i mean, i have been designing product for years. and when it was ‘making memores’ product… i certainly was happy to see it used… but for some odd reason… it feels really different now. maybe because it started from nothing. maybe because it has my name on it. maybe because it is a result of so much work, risk, frustration and determination by so many people. 
who knows… maybe i just needed a good crY! sometimes you do! but i am overwhelmed right now, with tremendous feelings of graditude… so grateful for the opportunity i have had to prove this to myself…my biggest critic! … so grateful for kevin carpenter, pres. of advantus.. cause he really did/does believe in me! even when i tell him i am OUT OF IDEAS! which is what i told him when he signed me!  …so tremendously grateful for the support of the people around me…eric, em, jodi, liz, my children, mine and eric’s family, and my next door neighbor that probably sees more of my kids than she cares to! … so grateful, and tremendously humbled when people tell me that i have connected with them, inspired them and how much they enjoy what i do.   my list goes on, and on and on and on………………………….

so thank you jenni. for making my stuff look so good! and making me cry! i needed that…
i wish you all the best in your endeavor! thank you jared, for encouraging her, lifting her and extending her capabilities! (not that jared is reading this blog… but man, husbands make or break this stuff!)

by the way…since i’m already crying, and it’s 4:30am…and i am talking about how grateful i am… there is someone i must celebrate today.  i could not survive with out emily waters. she has got to be  the hardest working, most dedicated and determined person i know.  i believe it was she that got me my job at MM, and she has been with me almost from the very beginning of the heidi swapp brand.  she threw all caution to the wind, and moved here…started a whole new life because she believed in me. she is such a true and loyal friend to me and my family.  she would do anything for me… and does.  today is emily waters’ birthday. (man, she is going to be mad at me for putting this on my blog!)  i could never express my love and graditude to her for all that she has done. believe me when i tell you, i don’t make anything easy! her email address is:  [email protected]  if you’d like to wish her a happy day! 

well, the pretzels have helped to calm my stomach.  but i am wide awake… i think i will write in my journal! 

  • Kip

    11 February, 2006 at 5:01 am Reply

    Hope you feel better by the time you read this Heidi and that you got some sleep!

  • laura t.

    11 February, 2006 at 6:14 am Reply

    am off to send miss em some birthday wishes – what a tremendous friend she is…and you too for your beautiful tribute-what lucky girls you are! so what do you get a girlfriend that has everything??

  • Elizabeth Munro

    11 February, 2006 at 6:16 am Reply

    Be proud Heidi, you inspire a lot of wonderful things by your amazing products :)))))

  • Ally

    11 February, 2006 at 7:03 am Reply

    Heidi – first of all, woman, you rock! I know we don’t know each other well, but I can tell you that from the moment I saw your first layouts at Memory Lane and subsequent HOF stuff I knew deep in my heart that you were going to do BIG things! And here you are – with your own brand – your own product under YOUR name. It must feel surreal some days, but all I can say is I know dozens of women who wait with bated breath for what you are coming out with next! Your products are recognizable on a layout and make ANYone’s work look even better. I admit, when I was working on my HOF entry (which I did not finish btw), I had to keep holding myself back from using too much HS product! I wanted it on every layout! Everything I did seemed like it needed a little “Heidi” on it! It’s easy to use, FUN to use and downright cool. So, thank you! Thank you for sharing YOUR talent and vision with US! Smooches girl!

  • angela

    11 February, 2006 at 7:09 am Reply

    Reading your blog this morning brought back such memories. I just gave birth to our third girl, and reading you say how you used to stay up so late, and now you are in bed by 10pm, brought me down memory lane to the early months of my pregnancy. Like you I was a night owl and did all my scrapbooking once the kids were in bed. But once I became pregnant with the third child, I was falling asleep getting them to bed it was so aweful. I hope soon I can reclaim my night owl status, but so far no such luck.

  • Vee

    11 February, 2006 at 7:26 am Reply

    Jenni’s stuff rocks. I tihnk you love and believe in your brand so when you see some one use it in such a beautiful way it validates the whole reaon you started to make yor own prducts. Koodos to you and Jen. Hope you are feeling better.

  • May

    11 February, 2006 at 9:40 am Reply

    =) Sometimes you just gotta cry. Jenni is crazy creative (like you) and I totally understand how you could get teary looking at your product used so well!
    Take care and have a very happy weekend!!! =)

  • Peg Graham

    11 February, 2006 at 10:07 am Reply

    Heidi- YOU ROCK!!! You are an inspiration to so many people…you gotta know that.
    btw…try hard pretzels dipped in mustard. YUM!!!

  • Anita Hiltz

    11 February, 2006 at 10:17 am Reply

    I totally agree what you said about Jenni Bowlin! Hope your able to catch up on your lost sleep! Plus…I send your friend an email b-day wish!…Anita

  • nicole

    11 February, 2006 at 10:54 am Reply

    Way to follow your dreams, Heidi, and inspire bazillions of people along the way. You make the world a little brighter with your engery and optimism!

  • annette

    11 February, 2006 at 11:47 am Reply

    Oh Heidi…number one I feel for ya on the upset tummy. All 3 of my kids just got over a stomach bug and I’ve been fighting it every step of the way when we all know it’s just easier if you just let it take it’s course
    and number two every one of your posts on your blogs inspires me to reach for greater heights in my scrapbooking career. I don’t own my own line like you but I’ve broken into teaching to others and now I’m opening my own store so who knows where that will take me. Every day you remind us how important it is to be humble and thankful.
    Way to go!

  • Arika

    11 February, 2006 at 11:48 am Reply

    I stayed up all night to subscribe to Jenni’s kit club…I always love her work, so I’m hyped up about her club! Just wanted to say that I also think it’s cool that you’re so excited about people using your stuff. Believe me, there are a lot of us are just as excited to BE using them! 🙂 I have one whole IKEA box (and I only have 9 boxes of goodies) just for HS stuff!

  • Linda Matthews

    11 February, 2006 at 11:55 am Reply

    Congratulations, Heidi!!!
    I know that you don’t know me, but I am thrilled that you are expecting again. You are an amazing woman with a fantastic career and business.
    Can’t wait to see you what your lo’s look like……….

  • Helle Greer

    11 February, 2006 at 12:04 pm Reply

    Hey Girl.
    You got to get some sleep.
    So funny you talked about MM, I remember Cku in Provo, where you , Em, and Robin, were together, and I was in you class and wanted to win one of those TIN’s so bad, and You made that happen…. and I totally Flipped out So funny.
    You know how much I think you and your stuff ROCKS… So keep it comming.
    Take care of your self and that little one.

  • Ngaire

    11 February, 2006 at 2:12 pm Reply

    AHHHHHHHHHH sweetie.:)
    I remember those days ( nights!!!) well.
    Loved reading about Jenni. and EM!!
    I totally get the love you have for Em.
    I have my own version of Em. and i couldnt be without her.
    celebrate your girlfriends!!
    be well.

  • Sarah

    11 February, 2006 at 4:42 pm Reply

    OHHH Heidi,
    i have just cried with you. You have such a way with words and you are a truely amazing person. I am totally IN LOVE with all of you products and i cant get enough of them. Keeping them on the shelf at work is another thing as well..
    I hope you are feeling much beter today. Get some rest and take care you!!!!!
    I am off to email Emily

  • chanel

    11 February, 2006 at 5:36 pm Reply

    you are such a lovely person. The world is a better place for you being in it that is for sure. Not only are you extremly clever, but you have a beautiful heart. i hope you are feeling alot better – and i agree a good cry is what we need sometimes. Take care

  • Kass

    11 February, 2006 at 6:29 pm Reply

    it is so refreshing to see someone so successful and so admired really stop and be overwhelmed – its a sign of genuine humility – and often times in this world people aren’t as humble as they ought to be. You’re a good one, Heidi Swapp!
    Happy Birthday Em!

  • Melissa H

    11 February, 2006 at 7:16 pm Reply

    love your gratitude towards people, heidi. you are such an amazing person, and your product is THE BEST & it sells so well!! i was putting a layout up in the store yesterday and i was writing up a little card to put next to it on what i used so the customers would know… i couldn’t believe how much ‘heidi swapp’ was written on that card for just one layout!! label holders, photo corners, decorative tape, index tabs, chipboard shapes… the list went on and on. 🙂 feel proud, you should be!!

  • teri f

    11 February, 2006 at 8:23 pm Reply

    Yes, we all need a good cry. You inspire us all…even when you share your real and human side. 🙂
    4:30 am? Naughty girl. I’ve been staying up WAY too late for too many nights lately and feel sick and so over-exhausted and realizing that I’m just too old to keep pushing it. Ugh. I HATE that we have to sleep. But sleep we must.
    Have a great week…

  • Kelly Angell

    11 February, 2006 at 8:42 pm Reply

    You are such a sweetheart! I don’t even know you and I want to give you a big hug. I wish that one day I do get to meet you as you and your blog and your products have all really touched me, inspired me, and allowed me to be as creative as I can be. I love all your stuff and am glad that you continue to do what you do! So Thank you for all you do for the scarpbooker in me!!
    I also hope that you feel better 🙂

  • Jana Perenchio

    11 February, 2006 at 10:30 pm Reply

    Soooo happy to hear your tummy settled down & cooperated! Man how I remember being up in the middle of the night when I was preggo also….God’s way of getting us ready for those middle of the night feedings I suppose. I will def. wish Emily dear a happy birthday. I see pics of you two together in your layouts and it makes me happy you have someone like her in your life even though I secretly wish I could be her sometimes!! 😉

  • tracy

    12 February, 2006 at 8:08 am Reply

    Well, i am another person you have totally inspired. I too have to use a little bit of heidi on almost EVERY page…..you total inspire us all and don’t you forget it!
    Go get some sleep now! 🙂

  • patty

    12 February, 2006 at 11:44 am Reply

    -very SWEET-, you never forget to be grateful, it’s that inner beauty that shows so HUGE in your smile!
    girlfriends-i couldn’t live w/o mine-i am truly blessed too! I thought em was great @ cku-a in stamford, “she” adores you & your family too (she beams when she talks about your kids)!

  • Wanda E. Santiago

    12 February, 2006 at 2:52 pm Reply

    Hey beautiful you know how I feel about you!! Reading this makes me cry I have no words to describe how you inspire me to follow my dreams. Trully you are a blessing. I will be wishing Emily a very happy Birthday!! Hugs Wanda

  • Christine

    12 February, 2006 at 3:29 pm Reply

    aw… those hormones totally help it all come out, huh? i’m so happy that you have been able to bring your creativity to the rest of us through your own line! i love it all!

  • Jennie

    12 February, 2006 at 4:21 pm Reply

    They ere very heart felt comments, I enjoyed reading them, and your emotions were well described. I hope you manage to sleep soon. Hugs

  • Vicki

    12 February, 2006 at 4:34 pm Reply

    It’s ok to be emotional. Besides you are great at what you do. We, your fans love what you have brought to the sb world. I tell everyone that you are my American Idol. Keep those products coming. And you do have such a wonderful team. I have had the pleasure of meeting Em when she was with MM. She is a doll. very quiet. In april, if you can’t sleep, you can hang with me and v. were late nighters.

  • Wendy Treseder

    12 February, 2006 at 4:52 pm Reply

    Oh Heidi, we girls all need a good cry every now and then. It is wonderful that you have ventured out on your own, your products are fantastic! Em is a gorgeous girl. I met her in your classes at ISC in Australia last year and you could see what a rock she is for you. Thanks for sharing your insecurities with us, it means you’re human. I hope you feel better soon.

  • Linda A (elendae)

    12 February, 2006 at 7:45 pm Reply

    I spent the morning working with the QVC album with all your goodies yesterday – LOVE that little album, I’ll have to post some pages in my blog once I get them complete.
    I so remember the nights when I was pg and I’d be up in the wee hours trying to figure out why I was the *only* person in the world awake at that time of day. I agree with the poster that said that it’s God’s way of getting us in practice for middle of the night feedings! Hope you are feeling better today!
    Thanks for being you and providing so many with so much inspiration!

  • Sarah

    13 February, 2006 at 11:17 am Reply

    I met your cousin and one of your designers at Scrapbooks, Etc. Your cousin resembles you in coloring and hair style, so I thought she was you. Quite embarassing!
    Sarah Scott
    in AZ

  • tara pollard pakosta

    13 February, 2006 at 3:51 pm Reply

    i LOVE your product, you are such an inspiration to me! your products, your layouts, you as a person! i never had a doubt about you not once. not ever. you rock. seriously! i have almost every heidi swapp product available! and i want it all! i love making memories and prob. have all their stuff too! and it’s all cause of YOU! thanks for being you and being so incredibly talented

  • Rachel C

    13 February, 2006 at 5:12 pm Reply


  • sophie

    14 February, 2006 at 1:02 am Reply

    Hi Heidi! Dropping a comment from Singapore to say how much I love your products and you snazzy style! I look forward to seeing all your new stuff in my LSS!

  • Tracey

    14 February, 2006 at 5:05 pm Reply

    A good cry works wonders sometimes. 🙂 I swear though….I love your line! My sb friends get sooooooo tired of hearing it! The stuff rocks — even the Lisa B QVC album. Can’t wait to see more new items. Oh, and try Jolly Ranchers for the nausea. Maybe not best in the middle of the night, but work like a charm.

  • Alanna

    14 February, 2006 at 6:43 pm Reply

    Hey Heidi, just have to say that I love your products and I buy most of them in my LSS when they come in! Cant wait to see more, and buy more! Take Care 🙂

  • Tracie

    15 February, 2006 at 12:41 am Reply

    Take care of yourself and your little one. Sometimes you just have to cry to release your feelings.
    I hope you are having a great day and got a good sleep.

  • Shetara

    21 February, 2006 at 3:12 pm Reply

    Hello Heidi,
    I just wanted to say that I was lucky enough to take your special workshop at CKU Provo were you did the Ever wonder album, right before your line launched. I was so inspired by you and I love all the amazing things that you create to use for scrapbooking. It was a great decision and opportunity for you. I hope that I will have another opportunity to take a class from you.

  • Kim

    22 February, 2006 at 10:18 am Reply

    Hi Heidi,
    I can’t believe how reading your updates and what people have to say to you and about you, makes me feel. I am SO happy that you have succeeded in the way you have. I am grateful Heavenly Father has given YOU this way to touch the world. It takes a unique person. I just wanted to send my best wishes to you and let you know I look up to you a lot and wish we lived closer together so I could be in better contact besides every couple of years :). Keep up your good work.
    Love, Kim

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