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Today was this total re-visitation to my life 8-9 years ago!  It was weird.
Capri is teething.. man I forgot how miserable it is! she’s also got a bit of a cold, so she is not sleeping or napping well, so the normally, completely happy perfect baby is so sad… crying, running nose, wants to be held and has no sense of humor!
After eric being up ½ the night, and me up the other ½…  I felt so exhausted this morning!  I got her to sleep for a little while, but each time I would put her down, she would  wake up moments later… I finally got about ½ hour to review my to-do’s and get some work done on my big picture class… when she was back up again. So basically, after I had gone over all the things that I really need to accomplish between now and the end of the week… I came to the realization, that whatever it was… it wasn’t happening today.  As I was pacing around my room, and my studio and softly bouncing a very sad baby… and she looked up at me with big tear drops in her eyes,  despite the to-do’s… the fact is, she is the most important thing right now.  I imagine no one will ever look back and wish they hadn’t sat and held the baby so much!   
I feel like this balancing act is harder than I ever imagined…particularly with the anticipation of this baby boy!   Chuckle.. .but at least I won’t be pregnant!
It’s funny how as you go along… day to day, facing new challenges and learning how to deal, you forget what the old ones feel like! And here I am facing both…
I find myself wishing  I did a better job of journaling!
I had a funny  conversation with cory and quincy as we were doing homework… quincy was complaing how hard her kindergarten homework was… the reading. And cory was telling her ‘just wait until you get to second grade…it gets so much harder!’ and went on to describe the things that he is struggling with! I laughed and explained that they can expect that with every year of school, but if they will work hard, they will be ready for the new challenges! And then I said… ‘then when you are a mom, life is SO EASY!’…
And both of them were like “not it’s not…being a mom is so HARD” and went on to tell me all the things that I have to do! like take care of the baby, and work and make dinner, and clean clothes and drive them to friends… and they went on and on. I  was SHOCKED! And amazed that they realize how much I do for them! I got a little teary… and certainly appreciated being appreciated… even though I wasn’t getting an official “thank you” and I still had to remind them to pick up dirty socks and put away their homework to get ready for dinner… just knowing that they know somehow made me feel validated!
For now… they are what it’s all about! I am sure that you get out what you put in… just like anything else. I have to remind myself of that a lot! And accept the changes… and remember, that change is good!

  • Rhona

    28 February, 2007 at 9:00 am Reply

    I got teary reading that entry, I don’t think we realise how much our children do appreciate us sometimes. What a lovely conversation, one to treasure! Hope Capri is feeling better soon, poor baby!

  • Lindsey Cord

    28 February, 2007 at 9:07 am Reply

    Oh thats so tender! Hope your little gets better soon. A sick baby is the pitts.

  • KellyM

    28 February, 2007 at 9:12 am Reply

    Sounds like good stuff to scrapbook – the highs and lows of being a mom. I hope Capri feels better soon! Don’t forget the baby Motrin!

  • Corina

    28 February, 2007 at 9:19 am Reply

    Good for you! Sounds like you’re raising great kids 😉

  • Amie

    28 February, 2007 at 9:30 am Reply

    Aww, that’s sweet! So nice to see that our children recognize all we do for them every now and then!

  • Linda Thompson

    28 February, 2007 at 9:32 am Reply

    My ‘career’ as a full-time Mom is almost over… when my third born graduates from high school in May. I’ll always be a Mom… but it will be a little different. I became a Mom 25 years ago… and for 25 years that is what I have devoted my life to. I am sooo grateful for the previlege to have been a full-time Mom. Heidi, it really and truly goes by soooo fast! Enjoy those precious moments holding Capri all day… hearing your kids converse… engaging with them in the day to day. Heidi, you get it! You are such a good Mom!

  • Kal Barteski

    28 February, 2007 at 9:38 am Reply

    Heidi – that was inspiring… I think that was a journal entry in itself. Too cool.

  • Nitty.Gritty.

    28 February, 2007 at 9:46 am Reply

    Hi Heidi~
    I don’t know if it the time of year, or our age, or society’s pressures, or what, but I just posted this morning on this topic of balance. It’s a challenge and struggle for all of us…and if you want my take on it, here’s the link:
    You know we all support you in your whole life…and that means your priorities too! Thanks for making such an effort to keep it all lined up. My best to you, Eric and all those kidlets. This season of life will be over before we know it…I’m trying to savor every minute of mine, as I can see through this post, that you are too. =)

  • Kim B.

    28 February, 2007 at 9:50 am Reply

    I don’t know. Sounded like an official thank you to me! What great kids.

  • rane

    28 February, 2007 at 10:01 am Reply

    Totally needed to hear that today!!! Love you!

  • kim Loewen

    28 February, 2007 at 10:05 am Reply

    I understand what it’s like to have a miserable baby…and not being able to get anything else done. But it doesn’t matter, right? They are the most important thing…they’re only little once! What a cute conversation with your kids! That is so sweet that they understand just how much you do for them and how hard you work! Don’t you love that!!!

  • Kim

    28 February, 2007 at 10:07 am Reply

    Oy, sleep deprivation makes for a rough day (or year, at our house, baby #3 just turned one & is not a great sleeper!). But you just hold Capri, your to do list will still be there (don’t we know it!). Some days I have to keep reminding myself – this too will pass. It is sooo tough to balance it all, but just think about the things that went right each day, and the stuff you DID accomplish, even if it was just to finally get a shower in! Your blog is a great journal of sorts, so no more guilt about that! P.s. I’m taking your YTR class and LOVING it!!!

  • Vee

    28 February, 2007 at 11:05 am Reply

    what an awesome post!!
    nothing better than appreciation even from the little ones.:)
    so loving, loved reading this post
    i hope you get some rest and capri gets better:)

  • Diane McVey

    28 February, 2007 at 11:30 am Reply

    You DO know what “first things first” is all about…Capri needs her Mommy, and that’s what you are giving her. Bless her precious heart, I hope she feels better soon. You are a terrific SUPER-MOM, you do so many things, and pretty soon you are going to have another baby! I don’t know how you will do it, but I know somehow you will! But if anything has to suffer, let it be the outside obligations. Your family is priceless, and irreplacible..and they grow up SO quickly. Kudos to you, for all you do; and hope you get some quality rest today. 🙂

  • RScrapIT

    28 February, 2007 at 1:39 pm Reply

    I’m so sorry Capri is not feeling well. I hope she feels better soon and you and Eric can get some sleep! My kindergartener has also expressed how hard the reading homework is, but I told her she was a smart girl and we just need to take each word apart a little chunk at a time! I struggle so much with the balance! It’s a lot harder than I thought it would be, this adult life of mine…but it’s worth it.

  • Tara

    28 February, 2007 at 2:47 pm Reply

    Oh that is just so beautiful that the y recognise how har being a mum is.

  • Amanda

    28 February, 2007 at 2:54 pm Reply

    I find you so admirable. I read your blog all the time, and although i dont have 4 (soon to be 5) children. I only have two (twins – age 3), you make me want to do more with my life. You make me want to have more children, you make me stop and enjoy the little things in life, you make me want to scrapbook more, and journal more…you make me want to be more religious (and i am 26 and i have never even been to church). I just wanted to let you know that I (we) appreciate you to. Because of you I am a better person (even though you dont know me). I even tell my friends sometimes that if they are having a bad day to read your blog…it will make them feel better! So thank you…from the bottom of my heart!

  • Pegomh

    28 February, 2007 at 5:10 pm Reply

    Change is life-long and the sooner you realize it and EMBRACE it – the better of you will be. I keep telling my teenagers that and hopefully it will sink in. You’ve got to “go with the flow”!

  • Lori N

    28 February, 2007 at 6:00 pm Reply

    My 3 y/o son turned to me at dinner tonight gave me a hug and said, “You’re a really good person.” “And you’re a really good baker too!” My heart melted.
    It’s nice to be appreciated.

  • Colleen E

    28 February, 2007 at 7:12 pm Reply

    Oh, you had me with “looked at me with a tear in her eye”! Glad so many things that could’ve been viewed as negatives, were looked at with so much optimism and love. And….you have great, emphathetic kids for such a young age. Glad it made your day. xo

  • maryjo

    28 February, 2007 at 8:01 pm Reply

    ok, i’m teary eyed!
    those kids of yours are keepers! lol.
    hope capri is better, soon. & yes, enjoy her ‘cuz it goes by so quickly.
    thanks for sharing.

  • mary

    28 February, 2007 at 8:06 pm Reply

    actually, Heidi, the fact is not that Capri is the most important thing right now… she, and your other children, are the most important things always….
    has fame robbed you of your focus?

  • Joc

    28 February, 2007 at 8:48 pm Reply

    Thats so beautiful that your kids see what you do for them, and they realise that its not all that easy all the time. You are lucky to be blessed with such lovely children.

  • Corey

    28 February, 2007 at 10:28 pm Reply

    I’ve been reading your blog for a while but i’ve never left a a comment before. This entry made me a little teary! You’re kids are so sweet! I think Capri is maybe 2 weeks older than my daughter…she’s going through the same thing. My once perfect baby is now a cranky, unhappy one too! So I feel for you!
    What a wonderful conversation you had with your older children. Such a blessing to know they recognize what a wonderful mother you are.

  • Talia

    28 February, 2007 at 10:34 pm Reply

    You said it perfectly…I don’t think we’ll ever look back and wish we didn’t hold our babies as much!
    My husband has been out of town for the last week so I have felt very much the same lately…thinking of all of the things I have to do and just NOT having the time to do it. All it takes from one of my girls is a genuine smile or giggle or, like Capri, tear-filled eyes to make me realise that IT IS OK…we mothers are not super-heroes, and at the end of the day, I would rather have my babies feel happy and loved rather than feel like I got things done.
    Thanks so much for sharing and for putting into words what so many of us feel!

  • Ashley

    28 February, 2007 at 10:52 pm Reply

    I have a teething baby too, and I am right there with ya…you’ll never regret it. Your children seem so sweet! What a lucky mom you are!

  • scrapbooking for others

    28 February, 2007 at 11:25 pm Reply

    The hardest thing for me to do was give up some of my outside interests when my children were young, including the career I wanted. Now that my children are grown and starting their own families and my son was killed in an accident 2 years ago, believe me I will never regret the time I spent staying up all night, or not advancing in my career the way I had planned. In the whole big scheme of life, family is all that really matters. Good luck, wish I didn’t live on the other side of the US, I would come over and rock Capri tonight so you and your hubby can get some sleep!

  • Bonafyde

    1 March, 2007 at 2:11 am Reply

    Gosh this really hits home with me. My baby Ajani just turned 8 months old as of 12am and I have a 5 year old and teenage 4 step-children. I’ve been having a tough go of it. I tried to keep to my creative routines, which was scrapping at night but alas my easy going baby became more needy due to teething and would not sleep for long periods of time, wanting to be held all the time, etc… even daytime was out for me.Well now that I’ve gotten him on a sleeping schedule (or should I say I adapted to his…)and he is much happier…my 5 year old DS has decided to give me trouble..he’s really morphed into a mini cyclone of non-stop disobeying, tantrums, etc…I love my children dearly but I do find it hard to keep my sanity at times, to stay centered. I sometimes feel like at any moment I will be swallowed up and lost forever..ok…perhaps a bit dramatic but that’s how I feel at times. So I light some candles, take a hot shower, scrapbook, etc..and try to focus on the blessings and my goals in life. I remember now what it was like to have my first son, that feeling of time slowing down for me and the rest of the world whizzing by. I’m trying to figure out how to balance my obtaining my dreams and being a Mom…I guess it comes down to faith…and candles 😉
    Your post today made me feel better knowing that this is normal and as women we all experience this. Keep your head up and keep doing what your doing.

  • gail

    1 March, 2007 at 4:07 am Reply

    oh my – snap! my little girl is a few weeks younger than capri. the same thing is happening and she is so miserable. i have been saying to everyone today – hope she is teething cause i need something to justify these few days. she is just the same and it makes me feel not so alone to see you going through it also. good luck for both our families!!

  • Rachel

    1 March, 2007 at 9:50 am Reply

    Hi Heidi.. I have never responded to your blog before but this entry made me feel like I had to!
    I think all moms go through this (I am a mom to 3), and one day it hits you like a ton of bricks… and once you make peace with what is most important it is always funny how everthing miraculously falls in to place.
    Good for you my sweet… it’s a hard realization but one that is of the utmost importance. Makes you feel human, and human is the place to be!!!
    All the best to you and hope Capri feels better soon!

  • Melody Brown, Cape Town

    1 March, 2007 at 12:04 pm Reply

    I feel your pain girl. My boy is the same age as Capri (and I have another 2 slightly older!) and he is also teething and snotty. Fortunately you have the right attitude to get you through! These are the days that memories are made of!

  • Jennifer Lynn

    1 March, 2007 at 2:25 pm Reply

    I have 4- preg every other year. Youngest is 2 now. Although Iam happy to see the light at the end of the diaper tunnel, I have never regretted my insane choice to have so many so close together.
    I’f I am not laughing 100x a day, I’m not listening.
    Funny I never even wanted any kids- I was a NYC exec with fake nails and 4″ heels. Now I’m a scrapping craft mom in the burbs.
    Don’t you wonder how the heck the road led you here as you do your 40th load of laundry for the week… and then thank God that it did!!!???

  • Sarah

    1 March, 2007 at 3:42 pm Reply

    I love your story about your children’s appreciation of you. My older son was on a kick a while ago; he would repeat at least daily – mom does all this stuff and she NEVER even gets a thank you for it! It made my heart swell right up (though my husband did feel the need to point out that HE did a lot and HE didn’t thank yous either).
    Being appreciated is wonderful…

  • Felecia

    3 March, 2007 at 7:01 am Reply

    Oh, I SO relate to this!!! I work full time and sleep is SO VITAL that this up-all-night stuff has been just BRUTAL! So we found a new solution…I know we aren’t supposed to do this, but out of desperation for Jay to get to sleep (mine is teething at 4 1/2 months!!! SIGH) we use the Snuggle pillow. Have you seen this? Its essentially the adult version of the boppy and sold at babies R Us for pregnant women. My brilliant husband wrapped it all around in a snuggly little circle and then put Jay in so that it was like he was being held in our arms…He slept like a LOG until it was time to eat again. So…when we are desperate, we put the snuggle between us and snuggle Jay up there!

  • LenaS

    3 March, 2007 at 1:33 pm Reply

    Just other day I was thinking about all the running around I’ve done for this teenage girl I’m keeping–picked her up from school everyday, dentist, doc, store, friends, DMV, taught her how to drive and then risked my life and vehicle letting her practice, cooked even when she turned her nose up, gave her furniture to use, cleaned–she hasn’t cleaned a single dish in a yr and a half and ALL FOR FREE! I got zero compensation for my time and effort. This was in between caring for my own sons, helping my sister get through cancer, taking meals to Dad with knee surgery and grocery shopping for learning-disabled brother who was in the hospital 3x’s in the last yr. Husband lives out-of-state so I’m a single parent. I thought about how nice it would be to get a “Thank-You” note from this girl or any sign of appreciation from her or her parents. Never gonna happen–no manners. Makes me very grateful for my boys–my 21yr old Army Son is back for 2wks and I had to rescue him yesterday because he locked the keys in the car!–he was soooo sweet to say he was sorry for bothering me and gave me a good hug and “thanks Mom” for helping him. Melts the heart. U should be very proud, H, that your children notice the lives of others. They have genuine empathy. It seems to be rare in young people today.

  • Susi

    3 March, 2007 at 8:24 pm Reply

    Heidi I wanted to leave a comment because I admire and respect you so much. You are my favorite “life artist” and that is why I found a way to sign up for you AYTR year-long class. When I listen to the classes every week, I am struck by how real and down-to-earth you are rather than putting out a facad of uber perfection. You are open and giving and I believe you are an awesome Mom. I am the mother of two grown sons and I encourage you to take care of yourself and cherish that your boys see all of the things that you do to take care of the family. You have done a good job because most little boys (or girls for that matter) realize how much a mother does; many don’t give it a thought. You are a super lady who is sharing and giving to so many people in the world. I am so grateful that I am taking your class. Be good to yourself and be proud of how much you are accomplishing. Listen to your inner self and take care of yourself. You have many irons on the fire and you are doing a great job!

  • Rachel Saunders

    5 March, 2007 at 4:55 pm Reply

    ‘being a mom is hard’..That is so precious.! When I aske my kids what mom and dad did they said…dad goes to work and checks his e-mail and plays on the computer all day and mom well she has to….(long list of jobs!) It made me laugh!!
    It will get easier…but then they move out of this cute stage!
    Rachel (mom of 4 under 7)

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